JUAN DISGUSTED OVER CHEAP BANANAS - Hires Firm To Up Prices, Defies Free Market "Bullshit"


COMMENT By Bob Weaver

A banana grower got disgusted with the price of bananas, based on the free market and supply and demand.

He and his family, fifth generation banana growers, had been growing enough bananas to supply all of North and South America, but the market price of bananas had remained pretty stagnant.

While he and his family had always made lots of money selling bananas, Juan wanted to build some nice homes for his grandchildren, and leave them well-healed when he went to the great beyond.

Juan hired a Washington DC marketing consultant, who also manages a team of congressional lobbyists, asking the firm to improve his financial worth.

He was immediately told to forget about all that supply and demand bullshit.

"You need to create a banana crises, drought, plight, labor problems, one thing after another," Lebowitz advised, "Just like the gasoline and oil people do, and make people believe their health will decline without eating bananas."

"You might even have to go out and spray some poison on some banana trees for a while," he advised.

"We'll launch a media campaign about the worthiness of bananas, and the family farms that produce them with the labor of hardworking hands," Lebowitz said.

"You know, like those TV ads that show family farms and farmers producing food and chickens, when most is produced by giant corporations."

"We'll let the American people know how much we care about their environment, TV ads with the wind gently flowing over the banana fields. We rely on images and talking points, after all most of those America students can't read or do math very well."

"We've recommended putting a decal on each bunch of bananas with a US flag and that healthy heart decal thing."

Juan replied, "Yes, but bananas aren't grown in the US."

"Juan, you just need to check the origin of food at Wal-Mart. Even the flowers are grown in South America."

Leobowitz quoted a recent study about gasoline shows that USA citizens have settled-in on high prices.

"Let's get clear. Those big corporations rely on supply and demand only when necessary, that free market thing," Lebowitz repeated.

"We have a globalized economy, with millions of US jobs gone, and you are a benefactor, Juan. You're really in the game. You can pay those workers a buck an hour."

"In fact gasoline consumption just keeps dropping in the US and the cost per gallon goes up. They just blame those towel-heads, go to war with Iraq over oil or something, while at the same time America is almost self-sufficient in oil production."

"Those politicians in Washington will rant and rave about bullshit, and the American people will take one side or the other, while they get it put to them. Americans enjoy whining, anyway."

"Yeah, I know the consumers will raise hell for a while. But if you can jack the prices of bananas so high and then drop them a few percent, they'll buy all the bananas their tummies can hold."

Juan replied, "You're saying you just piss'em off and then they'll shut up and eat lots of bananas?"

Lebowitz said, "Ya got it."

Lebowitz said that hiring a good marketing company like his that keeps promoting bananas and lobbyists who convince the congressmen that this is the right thing, the job will get done.

"We'll have to throw some cash on Congress, they'll come around to our way of thinking, particularly before an election when they need the big bucks."

"That Supreme Court has made corporations people too, and we can throw more money on the politicos than what they know to do with it. It's all under that free speech thing."

Juan said, "I think I understand."

Lebowitz said, "I feel just a little guilty about taking your money to create a massive fortune, but it's my job, and I do it well."

Juan, after careful consideration, replied, "I know this is going to cost me an arm, but I'll end up with a really big leg."

"It's one of those win-win deals," Lebowitz replied, "Well, maybe not for banana eaters."

Hur Herald from Sunny Cal
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