(01/06/2018)
By Bob Weaver 2002

Hur Mayor Neville Nitz (pictured left) was furious yesterday when he learned there is opposition in Charleston to the US Supreme Court's decision to allow private property to be seized for use by developers.

Nitz announced last week that a local developer will ask Hur's Council for Social Improvement and Upward Mobility to condemn Dolly Kerby's house and flat land down on Slider for the new Hur Liposuction Institute and Soap Factory.(See earlier story)

Nitz was in a snit because Governor Joe Manchin said eminent domain should only be used when it can be proven it will benefit the entire population, and that it's the only reasonable option.

WVs GOP chairman Robin Capehart is also calling for legal safeguards against the ruling's implications, even if that means amending the state constitution.

"Are these people nuts? asked Nitz. "Government has a long-standing record of condemning whatever they want. Now the court says developers can get in on the action.

"Old Dolly's house is a junk heap anyway. She won't need it much longer. She's 89."

Lesley Maybe, the reporter from the Houner Hound, interviewed the old woman and took her picture. When asked what she would do if she lost her house, she replied "I suppose I might as well fall over dead in the creek, for all that Mayor Nitz cares. Maybe he could grind me up and make soap.

Reporter Maybe has been recognized for her reporting talents, replacing Suzi Starwars as the star reporter for the Houner Hound.

Little Billy Braveheart issued a press release saying "We believe in property rights and US Constitution. Now we have big corporations stepping all over us more than ever."

Braveheart (pictured right), Hur's civics prodigy, boy reporter and frequent do-gooder, organized a rally in front of Dolly's house Monday morning. At least seven people showed up with signs, protesting the take-over. The old woman sat on her front porch smoking her pipe and waving at cars honking their horns as they went by.

Mayor Nitz said "This constitution and private-property thing should not hold up progress. We need this clinic and soap factory to bring jobs to Sunny Cal."

Nitz said a large number of people had sent entries to name the soap at the proposed liposuction soap factory, with one writer saying it is "Easily Gained But Not Wasted." Virtually every entry said an American flag should be on the soap bar. The leading names, include:

Constitution Clean, 'Ol Glory' Wash, Patriot Bars, Patriot Scrub, U.S.A. Patriot Pure, Nitz's Freedom Clean, Hur's Almost Heaven Wash

Nitz said it's not too late to accept more entries.

HUR'S BEAN FESTIVAL GETS GRANT

Delegate Willy Staples (pictured right) told the mayor this week that the town will get $200 from the Budget Digest for the Tenth Annual Hur Bean Festival.

Council member Nora Druthers, who is always full of discontent, said "That's not enough!" saying that legislative finance czar Del. Harold Michael from Hardy County gets over $100,000 for his Tri-County Fair. "Why, he even got $100,000 for the Moorefield Cemetery and they put up a plaque for him. We'd put up a plaque on the Hur Cemetery. It really needs a lot of help."

Mayor Nitz said "Nora, lay off poor old Harold. He has got seniority."

"Besides, we like beans here in Hur. Beans are good for you," he said. "What do you want me to do - grovel to Charleston?"

"I have more integrity than that."

BUCKHORN HUNTING CLUB SEEKING STATE FUNDS

Buckhorn Hunting Club

Edsel Eagle, president of the Buckhorn Hunting Club, has asked Delegate Willy Staples for a $500 grant to improve the organization's club house out the Husk Ridge.

Eagle, after hearing that Delegate Harold Michael has been getting $30,000 a clip for the Hardy County Rod and Gun Club, said his group's building needs a new roof and the window glass needs to be replaced.

"Junior Fritz got drunk last winter and shot the windows out of the place," he said. "He used up the club's funds on a spring beer party out on Coon Ridge, and we're plum broke."


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