| Submitted By Captain Spock aka John Griffin
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter referred to as "the House" a general lack of stirring by all creatures
therein,
including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the
chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter referred to as
"Claus" would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located
in
their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but
not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the
party of
the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I", being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the
second
part (hereinafter referred to as "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the
parties
were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
occur upon
the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature,
cause
and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of
such
disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature
sleigh
(hereinafter referred to as "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer.
The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific
direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by
name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter referred to as "the Deer").
(Upon
information
and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.) The party of the
first
part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located
adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items
of
unknown origin or nature.
Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at
the
House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other
unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and
health
regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant to the
applicable
provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
House to
the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown
destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus
state
and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" or words to that effect.
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