'NOT SO PROPER' CALHOUN MOUNTAIN TALK

(10/05/2017)

By Dianne Starcher Weaver (A Descendent of Calhoun's First Permanent Settler, Phillip Starcher)

These are some colorful sayin's that I heard in my family and from my neighbors, whose roots are deep and wide in the soil of Calhoun County WV.

Flies around like a button on an outhouse door (flighty and nervous).
So thin you could read The Lord's Prayer through it (sliced thin).
Not worth a tinkers damn (useless)
Dumber than a bank mule (or sled track)
Hungry enough to eat the south end out of a north bound bear
She peed in her own Corn Flakes (troubles of own making)
Makes my butt want to rub snuff (or chew tobacco) (making person angry/bothered).
You kids could tear up an iron wedge with a rubber hammer
Lower than a sow's belly (low down)
Pooped like a straight gutted goose (loose bowels)
Get on you like ugly on an ape (discipline)
She was so sick her eyes looked like two pee holes in the snow.
Yellow as dog pee on a new snow (really yellow)
It hit me so hard it jarred the berries off my grandma's hat
Talks like he has a mouth full of snuff (mumbles)
Too weak to whip a gnat (poorly)
Doesn't know sh-- from Shinola (ignorant)
That's as funny as a screen door in a submarine (not funny)
Flies around like a fart in a wind storm (unsettled)
He is so stingy that he wouldn't give a dime to see a piss ant eat a haystack
He spent the night in the cross-bar hotel (or pokey) (jail)
Pucked (peed off)
It is better to be peed off than peed on
Clumsy as a crippled cow in high-heels
He fell a-- over appetite (tumbled)
Full of poop as a Christmas turkey (unbelievable)
Tighter than the bark of a tree (stingy)
Hotter than the hubs of hades (scorching)
Makes my heart want to pump purple pee (not sympathetic)
He pooped in his own mess kit (army trouble)
I feel so low that if I sat on a cigarette paper my legs would hang over (depressed)
I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throats been cut
I need to pee so bad my jaw teeth are floating (or singing "Anchors Aweigh")
If wishes were horses, toads wouldn't go around bumping their butts on the ground (wishful thinking)
He struts around like he's got a corncob up his butt (big feeling)

We hope these sayin's haven't offended you, but if they have, "You have the same clothes to get glad in."


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